Today, I came across this interesting quote from James Clear’s newsletter:
Lillian Moore shares a quick story that reveals what really motivates people:
“A few months after my husband and I moved to a small Massachusetts town I grumbled to a resident about the poor service at the library, hoping she would repeat my complaints to the librarian. The next time I went to the library, the librarian had set aside two bestsellers for me and a new biography for my husband. What’s more, she appeared to be genuinely glad to see me.
Later I reported the miraculous change to my friend. “I suppose you told her how poor we thought the service was?” I asked.
“No,” she confessed. “In fact—I hope you don’t mind—I told her your husband was amazed at the way she had built up this small town library, and that you thought she showed unusually good taste in the new books she ordered.”
Source: Reader’s Digest
Being [overly] critical has a counter-intuitive effect of making people defensive, and as such, leads to unproductive situations/encounters. Similarly, when talking to people, care should be taken not to be toxically positive. Generally, be a nice person, and try to make that come from a genuine place. People tend to reciprocate the energy you give out.