Motherhood - An Essay

Teach girls it’s okay to not want kids. Or even like that. That they can be functional people without being a mother. That deciding into their 30’s they want kids isn’t bad and they’re not “too old”. Because motherhood isn’t for everyone. And we need to stop acting like it is.

– Anonymous

I came across the above quote from some random person online. My immediate natural response was: “That’s hard to do”. This post explains why, at least from my point of view.

Let’s start with a little story here first. Imagine two kinds of people here: People A and People B. These 2 groups of people are totally equal, well at least in ability. Now imagine, that at one point in time, People A got a head start in life- they get good jobs where they cultivate their skills. People A get to run the society. They rise in leadership positions and come up with laws that oppress People B. A huge rift grows between the abilities of People A and B. Eventually, some people who are B’s start fighting for their own equal rights. Some sensible people who are A’s see some sense and see the sense in what B’s are fighting for. They push the agenda of equality. Things seem just fine, right?

Well, not really. Oppression in that society will have become systemic. People B will become associated with some kinds of things and jobs in society. Heck, some B’s will form some negative biases against other B’s who are trying to go against the status quo. They may become labeled “queer”.

Also, the meaning of equality changes. Who defines equality in this society? What does it mean to be an ‘A’ or a ‘B’ in this society? Is it condescending or patronizing if People A set really low standards for some things in order to make People B participate in some things? How do you even make things inclusive without coming off as patronizing? There’s a myriad of problems not explored in this short story, but I hope you get the point: /Things get complicated. There really is no easy “fix”. Going against belief system and cultural norms is sometimes necessary and important; but it can be frustratingly hard./

The above allegory alludes to how us humans have formed segregations along some lines: male vs female, white vs black, rich vs poor etc.

We live in an age where we treat women the same way we treat men(at least in some places). This is great, but as good and pure/ innocent this is, it has had some unintended side effects, like the emergence of incels. I strongly believe that motherhood is a choice, but are we really prepared for the kickbacks that come from holding this belief?

“Peer pressure” has become compounded by social media. Pictures of new young families paint the facebook and twitter feeds of some people. How does this play out in shaping someone’s opinion? For companionship-seekers living in a conservative environment, how hard or easy is it to find someone you dig that shares your opinions? Is it okay to just want sex for sex’s sake(as a woman or as a man)?

It’s okay to expose people to a certain way of thinking. It’s even better if we prepared and created awareness on the social kickbacks that may stem from doing this, and preferably provide a support structure for any “serious”(this is subjective) negative effects.